endless

7/16/07
I love you endlessly, endlessly you I love. Consumed is my mind with thoughts of you. I crave the sweetness of your breath, the tenderness of your tongue. When you love me, the world stops…my world begins to spin. You make my toes curl and my back arch. I wish to overindulge in your essence. When you’re gone, it feels as if you’re near. Your voice makes my blood flow. I love  your lips and wish to hold then in between mine.

touch

1/1/07

The touch, was ever so slight…like slow motion. I felt you. I wanted to look into your eyes, see what they were saying…are you happy? Do you want me as I do you? It could mean everything, or nothing at all. My mind is teased with memories, feelings, thoughts, visions. I see your smile, feel your embrace. Inhale your scent. I want to give you everything…a place to lie your head, comfort, love, make love to you. Listen to your dreams, share your secrets…your touch is what I have to hold on to. I want more. Please say yes.

in the beginning

 written 11/2006

…while attempting to freshen my, funky, smelling of delicious sex self, I was immediately drawn into the vigorous space of ecstasy shared last night. I remember when you licked there…and here…and kissed …and sucked this…and that. I remember holding your hands while riding waves of pleasure. Your electric touch guiding me to fulfillment…I’ve never so much wanted to give another myself in the way I desire to give to you. Our legs intertwined…your soft brown flesh becoming one with mine. To call it orgasmic would be an injustice…as that was certainly surpassed…

untitled

written in 2006

with you...even silent moments turn me on. your strong and experienced hands soothe me. your lips...your tongue, they move me. i drown in overwhelming waves of ecstasy. i am hung over from having so much of you to drink. a lover like you is quite rare. you tease my mind as much as you do my clit. your sounds of passion are melodic in my ears. i am a glutton for you. i am aroused by the sound of your voice, my body warms when your fragrance is near. your beauty is never ending...soulful...deep

november haiku

#3
i am unapologetic
in my frantic
 addiction to you


#4
in the tidal wave
of you i'm completely
lost in your lovely-ness

womyn

the succulence of your aromatic essence leaves me weak

you drip of courage within your independently spoken beauty

gracefully you intrude

challenging the world to know you beneath your outer décor

your voluptuous core nurtures life and breathes creativity

desperate for your sustenance I sit at your feet gladly gleaning that which runneth over

hastily i drink you in

savoring the moments of your majesty

connected to your vibrant truth

i am delightfully a prisoner

haunted by freedom

Not One More

Performed 11/18/10 Transgender Day of Remembrance

not one more

not one more

not one more suicide

not one more death

not one more homicide

empowered by your abhorrence 

of me

make it stop

palpable silence

the agency of death

not one more discharge

not one more infection

not one more rape

not one more dime

not one more revelry

not one more

not one more shackle

not one more remorse

be free, be free

i use my voice that, you cannot take away from me

not one more group

not one more slogan

not one more march

not one more abandonment

not one more sermon

not one more law

not one more repeal

not one more trial

my life is not for sale

it should not be legislated

my love does not hurt

your hate does not heal

 not one more

no

there is no more

you will not take

i don't accept

what you give

empty promises

failed verbosity

no no 

outloud i will be, thrashing intrusively

not.one.more

Community Response to article on Examiner.com

 Published in Outlook Media April 2010

On March 15, 2010, columnist Patrick Wall explores Columbus’ queer scene in his Examiner.com article entitled "I'm out. Now what?":Searching for a community among Columbus's queers.

Below is a response from members of Columbus’ LGBTQ community of color and our allies:

We, the undersigned have come together in unity to express our displeasure and frustration at the overall lack of inclusion and seemingly blatant failure to acknowledge our presence and leadership within Columbus’ LBGTQ community.

Mr. Wall’s article shares interviews with members of the local LGBTQ community. The interviewees were mostly males, and absolutely white. Perhaps most insulting is the slideshow at the end of the article with the header ‘Columbus’ Diverse Queer Community’. It feels safe to say that when the majority of people see the word diverse, they often expect to see a kaleidoscope experience of colors.

Kudos to Mr. Wall for shaping a lens into our trans community, highlighting important political and community issues, and sharing the history of the Stonewall Rebellion. However, what Mr. Wall failed to realize was an important and necessary opportunity to craft an inclusive and educational conversation. As such, we ask the following questions: Where any persons of color interviewed for the article? Where they asked? Did the featured interviewees even mention persons of color when describing the community? 

As the number of LGBTQ youth of color utilizing local supportive services continues to grow; it is imperative that they begin to see, learn, and know about people in their community that look like them. It is important that their existence is validated and their potential as future leaders is noted as fully possible. LGBTQ youth of color need to know that there is absolutely a space for them at the table. Failure to acknowledge the reality of our existence further oppresses and alienates the community at large.

Indeed the responsibility of inclusion is a partnership of sort; allied leaders must begin to include LGBTQ people of color in their conversations, and make the invite to meetings and community discussions. Likewise, we as LBGTQ people of color need to strengthen our visibility. The time is now for us to no longer linger in the shadows. We can no longer allow others to define who we are as a community. We must stand by the words of the late lesbian, warrior poet, Audre Lorde “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.”

As we move forward to strengthen and grow this local and statewide community, it is imperative that all voices are acknowledged and included. Silence and being silenced-whether or not intentional-must no longer be tolerated.

It is with this that we make a call for awareness, support, acknowledgement, and inclusion of all members and leadership within the LGBTQ community.

In Solidarity,

Members and Allies of New Leaf Columbus

A social network for Columbus’ LGBT communities of color and our allies

http://newleafcolumbus.ning.com/

gender, etc...

Published in Columbus' Gay Rag September 2009

Every day we receive an abundance of messages regarding gender; simply living in our world exposes us to diverse images and ideas about appropriate and desirable masculine and feminine identities. Gender is such a familiar part of our daily lives that it typically takes a deliberate disruption of our expectations for us to even question all that goes into it.

In our culture gender construction begins at birth with the assignment of a male or female label. Babies and children are then dressed, regarding to, and gifted based on which box they’ve been placed. Boys wear strong, bold colors; and girls wear soft non-threatening ones such as pale pink or other pastels. Indeed, if a girl is involved in sports, and otherwise plays and dresses in a style exclusive to boys, she is regarded as a ‘tomboy’; clearly denoting that she is existing outside of her assigned role of girl.

There was a time when I would vehemently regard gender as a socially constructed experience. I didn’t believe in biological factors outside of physical appearance and thought that even those were in part due to our socially assigned roles. In May 2002 I was gifted with my son Jeremiah. In true post modern feminist form, I worked hard to ensure a gender neutral, non-androcentric environment. I insisted that his crib and dresser were white and that my family only buy him clothing in shades of green or yellow. I did this again two years later when Alex was born-not allowing for the traditional pink and flower decorations exclusive to the birth of little girls. Together, I was sure to allow them play time with each other’s gendered toys. Jeremiah would carry the dolls and Alex enjoyed crashing trucks into the wall.

Then, something happened.

Around the age of two and a half they began to question gender. My daughter wondered why her big brother had different parts than she. She was curious regarding my parts and wondered when hers would look like mine. It became important for her to identify as a girl and to then act accordingly. Dresses, the color pink, tap shoes-she couldn’t get enough. She loved and continues to love playing mommy with her dolls; a working mom that is. My boy, he’s a gentle as they come emotionally yet consistently asks when he can play football. He’s obsessed with his muscles enjoys getting dirty.

Imagine my chagrin when I realized my children were, in many ways, conforming to gender roles and stereotypes.

To be clear, they are both happily fluid in their personal expressions of gender; however absolutely identify as girl and boy. This was nothing I did or didn’t do. Sure society impacts all that we do, but for these children gender identification became more than a response to their environment. For them, expressing who they are internally, lines up with what they express externally. In text books this is known as gender stability-the time when children realize that they are who we say they are.

What happens when, as a child, that stabilization stage never occurs? What happens when the little one, assigned as a boy, really wants to take ballet lessons and wear his momma’s makeup? When the girl would rather starve then be placed in the pretty dresses she received for Christmas? What are we doing when cross gender imagination leads to cross gender reality? I would like to believe that I would allow my little ones to explore, but in society is there really room for this to comfortably and safely occur?

At this point, I acknowledge that there are varying components that lead to the construction of one’s gender. I also understand that like revolution, gender construction is not a one time event. Even as a cisgender individual, it is important for me to go beyond roles and physical attributes and identify as a person who is very strongly woman-identified. For me this communicates that I go beyond passive acceptance of my womanhood, and choose to embrace and feel empowered by it.

As a society we continue to exist in and perpetuate gender binaries. Although this is often done unintentionally and is a result of our personal socialization, we must do more in making space for those who don’t fit inside of their assigned box of gender. I contend that we either throw away all boxes or work to create new ones, inclusive of all. I challenge us all to do more in the face of gender diversity.

color blind or color mute: when and why to speak up about race

‘I don’t even noticed that your black’…these words were spoken to me by my partner early on in our relationship as we pondered which of our many differences made the most impact  on our day to day lives. Hearing this, I was instantly drawn into my 16 year old world in which a friend had just uttered the same…this phrase would  then go on to become painfully familiar to me throughout the next 16 or so years in between.

I understand the intention of their statements, likely an attempt to underscore the lack of vision regarding the color of my skin. They were trying to tell me that my brown hued exterior made no difference in how they saw me as person, partner, or friend; unfortunately, such conversation did nothing more than work to erase me, as I was. I imagine that others share this experience with me, on one side or the other. It’s an odd and awkward place to be on the receiving end and up until recently, I never really knew how to respond.

When identifying my racial or ethnic background, it is important for me to identify and/or label myself as being Black. I do this because my experience as a black woman fully informs every single aspect of my life. Labels, while sometimes limiting, also serve to create a lens through which others see and hear us.

When posed with the consideration of when and why to speak up about race, this is what I have to say: to be blind is not helpful. I need you to see me. While you may not understand what you see and while you may even be uncomfortable, I still need you to look and then I need you to see. In the dictionary, there are several definitions of the word blind, yet there is one in particular that stood out to me and that is the ‘lacking of all consciousness or awareness’. My challenge to you today is this, while you are conscious; make the choice to be aware. Don’t erase me for your comfort, or think you are doing so for mine.

To be mute is also not helpful. I need you to speak up and speak out. The word mute refers to a speech disorder in which a person lacks the ability to speak; thus rendering said person incapable of doing so. For me this implies a desire, yet inability to speak. So I ask-when you see injustice and inequality are you quiet due to the inability to speak? Do you not know what to say? Or do you remain quiet simply because you can?

I believe it is often the privilege of the majority that leads one to silence. When clothed in privilege, it doesn’t appear that you have anything to loose, particularly when silence provides the illusion of comfort and protection. However, I argue, in the words of the late, great poet Audre Lorde “your silence will not protect you”

So what are we to do?  In this post modern melting pot of a society, we are encouraged to assimilate and become one. We have yet to discover the beauty of unity within difference. We don’t know how to comfortably acknowledge ‘when one of these things does not look like the other’ and we are taught to search for our similarities and push away that which may remind us all of our individual and unique make up.  We blend and perfect fitting in. I know I did this and often still do when it comes to my speech. I’m very aware of my words and how they sound…I know the difference between sounding proper and the free use of Ebonics. When I was a child, I used ‘fix’ my lips in an attempt to make them smaller. It was as if I was a partner in the design of becoming colorless…invisible. In reality, it was me making myself –and others comfortable through the disappearance of my true self. Activist and author Lani Ka’ahumanu concludes that ‘assimilation is a lie; it is spiritual erasure”.

Approximately a week after my partner so lovingly informed me that she didn’t noticed the brownness of me; she brought up the conversation and apologized for her words. She shared that after a few days of contemplation, she realized that by saying what she said, she was taking away who I am. She acknowledged the value of seeing my color.

Speaking up about race can occur in many different forms. It’s acknowledging the surface characteristics of another’s skin, its taking pleasure in a different dialect or language, it standing up against a slur and injustice…it is drinking in the sweetness of culture that stitches us all together.

It is okay to see. It is okay to speak. We do this now and we do this tomorrow, because we all deserve and desire to be seen.

*Presented 11/14/10 @ First Unitarian Universalist Church-Columbus, Ohio*