why??

i struggle with the current reality of society. i am challenged in efforts to reconcile my purpose with what seems to be a doomed future for mankind. i don't trust the government, and i'm beginning to feel that activism is futile. the church to me embodies social control. so now i must decide what it is that i'm doing. am i necessary? is my work in vain? i feel as if i've been sucked into a bubble of 'mainstream society'...ipods, dvds, digital cameras, the internet...what are we doing? i still remember as a child, when my parent bought our first microwave...i'm only 30. we all know the end of the story...is there such purpose in our attempts to alter it? perhaps we are only trying to 'enjoy the ride'...make it more comfortable. i thought i knew...but today, i have no idea why i am here...