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"Mother, loosen my tongue or adorn me with a lighter burden." -Audre Lorde

employ the pussy

chills run down my spine as i watch Hillary make her acceptance speech here in columbus. she is gorgeous in red. she is confident. she is joyful.

this evening when i told my daughter that we were going to vote, her response was "i want to be the president"

i then picked up my son and told him where we were going. he responded with "maybe i should be the president"

i feel hopeful.

the revolution is being televised. my children effortlessly declare a goal that was wholly unattainable when my parents were their age.

my life is a direct result of the women's movement.

when i was 7, i played sports with boys, i did so until i was 12. i played sports all through high school. at age 17 i chose to have an abortion and went to college to obtain my degree. i've left and stayed away from 2 abusive relationships. i am parenting my children with the support and community of my family...of origin and that which was chosen. i choose to love women. i choose not to wear makeup. i choose to wear makeup.

i am a woman...proudly.

to paraphrase ani d "...all decent men and women should call themselves feminists, out of respect to those who fought for this..."

being a mom

i was hugging and kissing my kids this evening; and telling them goodnight. while i certainly remember my life without them, i can't imagine them not being apart of my current world.

jeremiah was watching 'bob the incredibles' (as he calls it) and asked me what the government was for. i said they help make laws for the country and try to keep us safe. his response was 'so...if we don't listen to them, what happens? bob had to pay them a bunch of money. i bet he would die if he didn't'...astute. i can't wait to see what the world is like once he's in charge.

jeremiah also has the lovely habit of asking his little sister to do everything for him. so today he sends her down to the laundry room to get him a pair of shorts. i said 'alex, you don't have to do everything he tells you, it's okay to say no' her response...'but i love him so much'. at that moment, i was reminded why i loved her so much.

dear you,

you are my exquisite love. i adore you. you are the truest of all my loves. it is you for whom my heart beats. when i awake i think of you and with you my mind is occupied before i sink into a space of slumber. i fear losing you, yet haven't the faintest idea of how to keep you. i fear another goodbye. i hate not knowing when i shall see you again...how i shall see you again. will it be easy? will you remember the last time? am i but a mere distraction from your world? a world that i'm not sure i belong to. i want to hold you and know that you are mine. i want the glisten in your eyes to be for me. i want your desire for me to often overtake your thoughts, and you to feel pain at the thought of a life excluding me. you see dear sweet one, this the pedastal on which you stand in my life. all things stop for you. your magic removes me from my center, left wandering in a fantastic forest of ecstasy. i don't remember not loving you. my love for you feels reckless and i know longer trust the force or my desire to follow.

i shall love you always

musings...

foolishly, i pursue and eventually fall for people who are emotionally unavailable. this in turn leads to my own unavailabilty as i put up walls in efforts to heal. for some reason this pattern is safe for me. it allows me to create distance so that. i. don't. get. hurt.

supersize...

americans prefer everything big...except their women.

why??

i struggle with the current reality of society. i am challenged in efforts to reconcile my purpose with what seems to be a doomed future for mankind. i don't trust the government, and i'm beginning to feel that activism is futile. the church to me embodies social control. so now i must decide what it is that i'm doing. am i necessary? is my work in vain? i feel as if i've been sucked into a bubble of 'mainstream society'...ipods, dvds, digital cameras, the internet...what are we doing? i still remember as a child, when my parent bought our first microwave...i'm only 30. we all know the end of the story...is there such purpose in our attempts to alter it? perhaps we are only trying to 'enjoy the ride'...make it more comfortable. i thought i knew...but today, i have no idea why i am here...