dear you,

you are my exquisite love. i adore you. you are the truest of all my loves. it is you for whom my heart beats. when i awake i think of you and with you my mind is occupied before i sink into a space of slumber. i fear losing you, yet haven't the faintest idea of how to keep you. i fear another goodbye. i hate not knowing when i shall see you again...how i shall see you again. will it be easy? will you remember the last time? am i but a mere distraction from your world? a world that i'm not sure i belong to. i want to hold you and know that you are mine. i want the glisten in your eyes to be for me. i want your desire for me to often overtake your thoughts, and you to feel pain at the thought of a life excluding me. you see dear sweet one, this the pedastal on which you stand in my life. all things stop for you. your magic removes me from my center, left wandering in a fantastic forest of ecstasy. i don't remember not loving you. my love for you feels reckless and i know longer trust the force or my desire to follow.

i shall love you always

musings...

foolishly, i pursue and eventually fall for people who are emotionally unavailable. this in turn leads to my own unavailabilty as i put up walls in efforts to heal. for some reason this pattern is safe for me. it allows me to create distance so that. i. don't. get. hurt.

supersize...

americans prefer everything big...except their women.

why??

i struggle with the current reality of society. i am challenged in efforts to reconcile my purpose with what seems to be a doomed future for mankind. i don't trust the government, and i'm beginning to feel that activism is futile. the church to me embodies social control. so now i must decide what it is that i'm doing. am i necessary? is my work in vain? i feel as if i've been sucked into a bubble of 'mainstream society'...ipods, dvds, digital cameras, the internet...what are we doing? i still remember as a child, when my parent bought our first microwave...i'm only 30. we all know the end of the story...is there such purpose in our attempts to alter it? perhaps we are only trying to 'enjoy the ride'...make it more comfortable. i thought i knew...but today, i have no idea why i am here...

caught

go away...she whispered; i shouted. in a dehydrated flush i consume your juice...at home you share space. we exchanged knowing glances, rest in a quiet future as you swat away accusations and seek to mend a broken heart. what about mine?!?...i cry out to you. you reach out your arms as she lays on your tear saturated shoulder, engulfed in my essence you glare at the past hating the grip it now has on you. you slip through our hands pleasing the masses. upholding decorum...swimming with me at the bottom.

untitled

naked, clothed with fear
i felt flung into the unknown
cushioned by the familiar

eyes wide open
heart extended
pelvic thrusting

ruminating on the love
lost in time
it begins again

yellow and green and gold
warm and inviting
marching to the drumbeat of desire

acoustic dwellings
the truth must now be told

words...

i must honor my vows, yet my lover inspires my place of desire. like a slow rain...drip,drip drip....then becomes a bang against the window, disruptive awakening my slumber of responsibility. creativity seduces me my fingers erect with possibility. my mind flooded with snippets of language sending chills through my spine. i want to run, i want to hide...i can do neither. where i turn there she is. aroused by her flow, the cadence pulsates and inhibits the necessary. listening is the foreplay...poetic loins desire to climax cannot be held back