its just thursday

today my son pulled out his own tooth, i was inspired by a homeless man, and i began the journey of falling for a friend. i was charmed by the ease of conversation, openness of heart, and a special dazzle within the eyes...when we hugged, i felt comfortable and safe. like i could finally rest. so now begins the dance. the tricks of courtship. the twist and turns of affection. typically i am challenged to override my fear and distrust of others. as a form of protection i don't take most interactions seriously. i want to take this seriously...and not mess up. well i will mess up, but i don't want the mess to be a detriment to possibilities. i remember elementary school when i would have a crush-tommy, brandon...i never made a move for fear of rejection. even now as an almost 31 yr old women, i am reduced to that 8, 10, and 12 yr old. this fear is absolutely a learned space. my nature is to pursue what i want with reckless abandon...this i do in every other area of my life, except relationships. i have yet to understand why love-which is something we all desire-appears to be scarce. so many search, yet no one finds. do we blindly pass in the night? my life is moving down an interesting path...the one that i planned. this has never happened and i struggle to trust the process...i wonder if my friend is thinking about me.